How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So squirting runs in the family.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
And then he peed in my hair
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