Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
