high people should be assigned attendants
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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