Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
