so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
