oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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