i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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