I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
