Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
