Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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