She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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