There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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