Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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