dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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