By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
