Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
