Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Randomize
