its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
