hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
