Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
