just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
even my farts smell like vagina
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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