who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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