oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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