Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
