Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize