First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
