I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize