If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize