Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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