morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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