I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
