He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
