I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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