Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
