i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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