tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
