Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The beer is more important than you right now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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