Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
