So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
