What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
