I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize