I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
