are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
