I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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