She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
