remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize