Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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