During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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