Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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