It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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