Just fell off a train. Bad.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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