it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
