cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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