listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
