What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
