um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
