cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
