I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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