I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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