well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
