saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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