If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
