he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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