i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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