singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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