So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
