Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
