A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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