i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
