I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
