Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
