why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
