ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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