took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
