dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize